;)
Five Minutes With Don De Grazia
Friday, December 12, 2008 at 12:44AM 
MY BRUSH WITH A CUB:
The guy Hillmann is talking about is Moises Alou. We were with Irvine Welsh and Marty Tunny, leaving the Park West after Bill’s fight, when we saw Alou - on a side street - walking some kind of mincing little shaved teacup poodle. Irvine and Marty are Sox fans and ruthlessly opportunistic Cubs haters, so it was kind of embarrassing. The guy was so friendly and gracious, though, that even they didn't have a bad word to say about him.
WHO WERE YOU?:
I was Bruce Sutter. I couldn't throw a split-finger, but I did strike out a few fellow Little Leaguers.
WORKING ON:
Finishing upa novel called Reel Shadows, and a couple of screenplays.
DAY JOB:
Columbia College Fiction Writing Department.
LITERARY FIGURE I’D HIRE TO MANAGE THE CUBS:
Tantalus.
THE CUB I’D MOST WANT TO LIVE INDEFINITELY IN MY BASEMENT:
None of them. Christ. The off-season is for forgetting.
MOST CHERISHED CUBS MEMORY:
Bill Madlock went 4-for-4 on the last day of the season to just barely squeak by Ken Griffey, Sr. (who went 0-for-2) and win the batting title.
BEST PIECE OF CUBS MEMORABILIA:
About six months ago, I saw a Cubs hat at CVS for two dollars. I figured, what the hell, I can always use another Cubs hat. When I got home, I tried it on. It had a really tall crown and I looked like an idiot. No wonder it was two dollars, it was the dorkiest Cubs hat ever made. Later that night, a girl came over to my apartment. I pointed to the hat and said: "I got you something." She tried it on and it was ridiculously huge on her. "The minute I saw that hat," I told her, "I just knew it would look unbelievably cute on you." She went and stared in the mirror for about 30 seconds, and then turned to me with this astonished smile and said: "You're a genius. How did you know?" I just shrugged. About 10 minutes later, I found her waiting for me in bed wearing nothing but a pair of panties and the hat. "Geez," I thought, "she really likes that hat." Later, she started analyzing it all for meanings. She gazed at me through narrowed eyes. She concluded that I was: "kind of a pervert."
THE CUBS WILL WIN IT ALL IN 2009 BECAUSE:
You can't beat the odds forever.
THE CUBS WON’T WIN IT ALL IN 2009 BECAUSE:
Once they get into the playoffs, the media will bombard the players with an unavoidably disproportionate amount of attention. The whole circus--all the talk of curses and how wildly jubilant Chicago will be once the Cubs finally win the World Series, and how crushed everyone will be if they blow it--will spook the team once again. By the time the first playoff game starts, even the most hardened veteran will walk out onto the field with the rubbery legs of a newborn colt, and the Cubs will extend their post-season streak to an even dozen.
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Want more Don?
-
Read "Losing From the Sidelines," Don Evans' profile of him
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