Five Minutes With Thomas Dyja

MY BRUSH WITH THE CUBS:

Don Kessinger came to my school when I was in second grade. I know this only from a vestigial memory of a very tall man (who was not a priest) signing pictures and Sister Mary Francella handing me one. I still have the picture.

WHO WERE YOU?:

A plump seven-year-old. While batting, I was usually Ernie Banks because you couldn’t honestly copy Billy Williams’s swing. In the field, Glenn Beckert because you got to lay out, which was maybe not always such a graceful thing for a plump seven-year-old.

WORKING ON:

A book about Chicago in the Fifties.

HISTORICAL FIGURE I’D HIRE TO MANAGE THE CUBS:

Ulysses S. Grant. He’d keep throwing people out there all summer until they won and he’d shoot the deserters. Plus, it would be fun to see someone in the dugout nipping at a flask.

THE CUB I’D MOST WANT TO LIVE INDEFINITELY IN MY BASEMENT:

Since I live in an apartment building, that would mean he’d be my Super. In which case, I’m thinking I want somebody handy, a utility guy. So I guess I have to say Paul Popovich.

MOST CHERISHED CUBS MEMORY:

Watching the rebroadcast of the Phillies-Cubs ’79 Slugfest during one of those awful winters. Nothing sums up the Cubs better than replaying a game they LOST in order to cheer people up.

BEST PIECE OF CUBS MEMORABILIA:

My old scorecards from the Seventies, with my lame scorekeeping and the kind of ugly, kind of beautiful covers.

THE CUBS WILL WIN IT ALL IN 2009 BECAUSE:

It was Felix Pie that was holding them back.

THE CUBS WON’T WIN IT ALL IN 2009 BECAUSE:

President Obama (a notorious Southsider) will sign an executive order forbidding it.

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Want More Thomas?

• Read "The Old Is New Again," Don Evans' profile of him

Five Minutes With Rick Kaempfer

Rick and Tommy at WrigleyMY BRUSH WITH THE CUBS:

I met Jose Cardenal at a Mt. Prospect Jewel in the produce section a few winters ago. I had my two oldest boys with me, and I kept circling the bananas and oranges bin to get a closer look. Jose was trying to pick out the best red onion in the nearby onion bin, examining them all closely. My kids thought I had gone completely out of mind. I finally conjured up the courage to say “Are you Jose Cardenal? Good ol’ #1?” He smiled and shook my hand. You have to understand that I worked as a radio producer for 20 years and met just about every celebrity and it had never affected me before—but I was positively giddy about meeting Jose. I asked him what he was doing there and he said that he never moved out of town. He spends his off seasons in Prospect Heights. I remember thinking, “Prospect Heights should put that in their brochures. A guy from Cuba thinks this place is so cool he spends his winters here.”

WHO WERE YOU?:

In my mind I was always Ernie Banks. In Little League, I was more like the Mick Kelleher of my team.

WORKING ON:

Two new books and a screenplay. A humorous parenting book about raising boys (with my friend, author Kim Strickland), and a novel about 1918 Chicago. The screenplay is a true story about a bank robbery in Milwaukee.

DAY JOBS:

Editor-in-chief of Justonebadcentury.com, columnist/blogger for NWI Parent magazine, media columnist for Chicago Radio Spotlight (chicagoradiospotlight.blogspot.com), and most importantly, stay-at-home dad.

RADIO PERSONALITY I’D HIRE TO MANAGE THE CUBS:

Dick Biondi. He has more energy in his 70-something body than the entire Cubs team combined. Plus, he’s been fired something like 20 times in his radio career. He could take it when that inevitable day came.

THE CUB I’D MOST WANT TO LIVE INDEFINITELY IN MY BASEMENT:

Carmen Fanzone. He could play his trumpet for us at dinner time.

MOST CHERISHED CUBS MEMORY:

That’s probably a three-way tie. I was at the Sandberg game with my little brother. We had standing room tickets and moved around the whole ballpark looking for somewhere to sit. I was also there for Kerry Wood’s 20-strikeout game. My boss at the radio station had just told us they were going to revamp our show (The John Landecker Show), and rather than get all depressed, I took my colleagues to the game and we saw the best pitched game in history. That really took the sting out of it. And then last year I took my youngest boy Sean to a game. He’s six, and he was totally into it, as much as I was at his age (1969). I could just see the torch being passed before my eyes. Sorry, Sean.

BEST PIECE OF CUBS MEMORABILIA:

I have the baseball card of every starter from the 1908 Cubs, including the starting rotation. I told my wife I was buying them to sell on my Web site, and they are available for sale there, but I secretly hope no-one ever buys them.

THE CUBS WILL WIN IT ALL IN 2009 BECAUSE:

They won’t. Although...that lineup is pretty strong, and the rotation could be the best in the league if everything goes right, and I like the back end of the bullpen, and Lou is a great manager, and....Aaaaaaaaargh! I’m doing it again!

THE CUBS WON’T WIN IT ALL IN 2009 BECAUSE:

They’re still the Cubs.

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Want more Rick?

• Read "One Funny Essay," Don Evans' profile of him
• Visit JustOneBadCentury.com
• Visit his blog 

Five Minutes With Lin Brehmer

Lin at El Jardin Restaurant for the Lovable Losers Literary Revue, September 2008MY BRUSH WITH A CUB:

Ernie Banks appeared on my opening day live broadcast about seven years ago. I felt like I was in the presence of an immortal.

And I was.

WHO WERE YOU?:

Mickey Mantle. Batting from the left side.

WORKING ON:

Getting my guitar fingertip calluses back

DAY JOB:

The Last Morning DJ

MUSICIAN I’D HIRE TO MANAGE THE CUBS:

Buddy Guy. Life long baseball fan. Has the wisdom of the ages. And when things go bad, he knows how to sing the blues.

THE CUB I’D MOST WANT TO LIVE INDEFINITELY IN MY BASEMENT:

I don’t want anyone living in my basement, but my wife would surely say, “Andre Dawson, please.”

MOST CHERISHED CUBS MEMORY:

Final home game. 1987. Cubs in last place. I’m in the right field bleachers. Andre Dawson hits his 49th home run after a career year and walks out to his positions. He turns to the bleachers and that quiet, stoic MVP genuflects to the fans in the bleachers. Dramatic and unexpected.

BEST PIECE OF CUBS MEMORABILIA:

Opening night Cubs hat from 8/8/88

THE CUBS WILL WIN IT ALL IN 2009 BECAUSE:

All current indications point to the end of the world.

THE CUBS WON’T WIN IT ALL IN 2009 BECAUSE:

Of the Jon Bon Jovi “Livin on a Prayer” curse.

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Want more Lin?

• Read Still Waiting?, Don Evans' profile of him
• Visit WXRT.com

Five Minutes With Tim Souers

My brush with the Cubs?

My wife entered me in some Com Ed contest, and I won. Me, my brother and Flynn got to do a tour of the park before the game, and they took us to the batting cage under the right field bleachers. Billy Williams was in there, pitching to his grandson. It was pretty magical, like seeing a unicorn or something.

What player did you pretend you were as a kid?

Ron Santo.

Working on?

An illustrated blog, Cubby-Blue.

Day jobs?

Advertising.

Artist I'd hire to manage the Cubs?

I would ask Lou Piniella to paint a painting.

The Cub I'd most want to live indefinitely in my basement?

Creepy question. Maybe Don Zimmer, just to scare the kids.

Most cherished Cubs memories?

Bleachers in the ‘80’s, the Sandberg game, 2003 (still the greatest season in my lifetime), and the breathless phone call I got from my brother when he just said, “Turn on a TV, Wood has 17 strikeouts.”

Best piece of Cubs memorabilia?

Not really a memorabilia guy…My family got me one of those bricks outside Wrigley. I still haven’t found it, but I intend to - it means a lot to me.

And maybe this T-shirt I made in the late 90’s that says “Cub Fan” on the front and “Kick Me” on the back. (I only made one, by the way.)

The Cubs will win it all in 2009 because?

Bring me Jake Peavy and we’ll talk.

The Cubs won't win it all in 2009 because?

Wrong guy to ask that question.
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Want more Tim?

• Read "A Cubs Fan's Canvas," Randy Richardson's profile of him
• Visit his blog cubby-blue.com

Five Minutes With Julia Borcherts

MY BRUSH WITH THE CUBS:

Greg Maddux flirted with me once while he was signing an autograph for my daughter Theresa. But I knew it wasn’t worth pursuing because a) he was already married; and b) I’d read somewhere that his all-time favorite dinner was meat loaf and meat loaf makes me gag.

WHO WERE YOU?:

Probably Mike Harkey. I was usually a high draft pick because my brother and sister were killer athletes, but it was always a mistake to sign me because I never lived up to the perceived potential (I throw like a girl) and I got injured a lot.

WORKING ON:

A short story collection and a novel about a lawyer who discovers she’s HIV positive (and her husband is not) when their infant daughter is diagnosed with AIDS and subsequently dies. I wanted to explore the idea of how a good mother who inadvertently kills her child could work through anger and grief and guilt and get to a point where she feels like she has something to offer the world again. But I’m trying to add some comedic elements into the storyline so that my family and friends will read it.

DAY JOBS:

Freelance writer, adjunct fiction writing instructor at Columbia College Chicago and co-founder and co-host of Dating for Nerds (board game and trivia parties for smart singles).

WRITER I’D HIRE TO MANAGE THE CUBS:

Douglas Adams (R.I.P.), who could create a parallel universe in which the Cubs reign supreme.

THE CUB I’D MOST WANT TO LIVE INDEFINITELY IN MY BASEMENT: Andre Dawson. My daughter lives in Los Angeles now and I’m always looking for ways to lure her back home without sounding too needy.

MOST CHERISHED CUBS MEMORY:

The summer of ’92, my dad was given four tickets to a Cubs game that included a pre-game brunch in the stadium club and he and my mother took my daughter (who was 12 at the time) and me. They had never been to a baseball game before, so we were really excited about introducing them to the wonders of Wrigley Field, but they were more excited about the brunch. While I was in the bathroom, my daughter asked my mother about her attractive-looking orange juice in the fancy glass, so my mother said, ‘here, try it.’ It was actually a mimosa. By the time we went out to our seats, my daughter was complaining of a headache, and by the third inning, she fell asleep in her seat. While she was snoring away, I was yelling at my mom for feeding my daughter booze and she said, ‘you know, if you don’t make a big deal out of it, it won’t be a big deal to her when she’s a teenager.’ I hate to admit it, but my mother was right. And my parents are both gone now, but I think back often to how they made an effort to take an interest in what was important to Theresa and to me. I loved that day.

BEST PIECE OF CUBS MEMORABILIA:

We used to have a Shawon-O-Meter T-shirt, but I have no idea what happened to it.

THE CUBS WILL WIN IT ALL IN 2009 BECAUSE:

Sam Zell will eliminate September and October from the calendar to lure prospective buyers into thinking they’ll get a winning team.

THE CUBS WON’T WIN IT ALL IN 2009 BECAUSE:

Despite Sam Zell’s efforts to also eliminate black cats and billy goats, White Sox fans will secretly offer them sanctuary.

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Want more Julia?

• Read "Women and Children, Also," Donald Evans' profile of her